So, like, I'm going to prom with Pinkie (mah new gf), and I'm really exited XD. It's tomorrow (well, technically today, but one sleep-time away), and I've got an awesome tux for it. We're going on this big ship after prom to hang out with a bunch of our friends and stuff, it's going to be awesome.

YOU'RE A 90s KID IF:

You remember watching:

[ ] Kenan and Kel; (from All That, not that show they came up with later)
[x] Doug; (totally!)
[x] Ren & Stimpy;
[x] Pinky & the Brain;
[x] AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!;
[x] Rocko's Modern Life;
[x] Animaniacs;
[ ] Gargoyles (meh, wasn't my box of chocolates)
[x] Hey Arnold!;
[x] Out of the Box;
[x] Bear in the Big Blue House. (OMG. That's gone now, isn't it? xD)

[x] You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!";
[x] You just can’t resist finishing this: "In west Philadelphia born and raised...".

You remember:

[ ] Step by Step;
[ ] Family Matters;
[ ] Dinosaurs;
[x] Boy Meets World;(I never watched it though)
[X] Full House. (I remember loathing it though)

[x] You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons;
[x] You remember reading Goosebumps.

When everything was settled by:

[x] "Rock/paper/scissors";
[x] "Bubble gum, bubble gum, in a dish";
[ ] "Miss Mary Mack".

[ ] When kickball was something you did everyday;
[ ] You used to listen to the radio all day long;
[ ] Just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.

[x] You remember Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis; (I had my Super Nintendo for the longest time XD)
[x] You remember The Original Game Boy;
[x] You always wanted to send in a tape to America’s Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny;

You remember watching:
[x] The Magic School Bus;
[x] Wishbone; (Reading it, too.)
[x] Reading Rainbow; (only to some extent, it's vaguely familiar)
[ ] Ghostwriter.

[x] You remember when Yo-Yo's were cool
[x] You remember those "Where’s Waldo" books;
[x] You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gushers;

You remember watching:

[ ] Batman the Animated Series;
[ ] Aladdin;
[ ] Ninja Turtles; (Another show I decided was stupid :\ don't know why)
[ ] Ghost Busters.

[x] You remember Ring Pops;
[x] You remember when everything was "da BOMB!";
[x] You remember boom boxes vs. CD players;

[x] Making those little paper fortune foldable things, and then predicting your life with them;
[x] You played and/or collected Pogs; (Apparently I loved them)
[ ] You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere you went. (I never had one, I had heard of them though)

You watched the original cartoons of:

[x] Rugrats
[x] Wild Thornberrys; (Hey, that's gone, too!!)
[ ] Power Rangers. (Bleh, probably my least favorite show, since always)

[ ] All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. (I'm a guy.)

You collected:

[ ] Beanie Babies;
[x] Pokemon cards;
[ ] Carebears;
[x] Silver dollars.(Totally! Until my mom spent them on the ice cream truck, even though I told her to, and then I was mad at her for it lol)

You remember when:

[x] Everyone watched the WB;
[x] Everybody knew all the Pokemon by heart;(Still know the song pretty well)
[x] Digimon was still on;
[ ] If you even know what an original Walkman is;
[ ] You know the Macarena by heart;
[x] "Talk to the hand";
[ ] You went to McDonald’s to play in the playplace and it was still sanitary;(Sanitary!?! Why did the 90's neglect every McDonalds I ever went to!?!)
[x] Before the MySpace frenzy;
[x] Before the Internet & text messaging; (The internet was around, and I was familiar with it, but many of my friends didn't even have computers, I'm just a nerd)
[x] Before Sidekicks & iPods;
[x] Before PlayStation3 or X-Box 360;
[x] Back before X-Box period;
[x] Before SpongeBob;
[ ] When light up sneakers were cool;
[x] When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs;
[ ] When gas was $0.95 a gallon; (I never payed attention to it)
[x] When we recorded stuff on VCR;
[x] You had slap bracelets;
[x] You actually played outside until it was dark;
[x] Way back before we realized all this would eventually disappear;
[x] Post this if you smiled at least more than 5 times;
[x] And if you remember at least half the stuff on here

If you don't see any posts from me for a while, it's because I don't feel like talking. As you have probably seen, my emotional state has been going down at an alarming rate. Well, I think it's gone pretty low. My girlfriend broke up with me, I still dislike myself, and I still think that I'm a wannabe and only have friends from a time long ago when I was cool. I have been getting steadily nerdier, more emotionally disturbed, and less wanting to do anything, so there you go. Go enjoy your life.

Not that many people care to read about my life here anyway, there were one or two people who missed me, so I thought I'd give you some warning.

I have come to realize how desperately I cling to my friends. If they tell me I am stupid, then I am the most horrible scum ever to walk the earth. If they tell me I am awesome, I'm on top of the world. And I realize, that even something as stupid as me saying something silly and getting laughed at makes me feel like I want to jump off a bridge. I couldn't do something like that, no, because that would only prove how stupid I am. Besides, I'm too cowardly. Without my friends there to support me, I would have been lost a long time ago. If I don't find a way to stop telling myself how terrible of a person I am, I don't know what I am going to do, but it needs to stop but I can't make it stop I've tried and it's getting worse and I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going to explode or throw a chair through the window but at the same time I know how cool everybody thinks I am and I don't know anymore I just don't know! I JUST WANT IT TO STOP! Why can I always find a reason to tell myself that I shouldn't exist, or that I'm a walking pile of useless garbage, when I'm obviously not? I believe it now, both ways. Not only am I stupid, and I can't remember crap, but I also happen to be relatively cool. But I'm losing it fast, I am feeling worse and worse, and I feel like I'm shying away from my friends, and I'm losing touch with people, and I can't pull myself out of the quicksand that is my mind. Please, oh god, I just want to have a definite opinion, because I'm tired of not being able to make up my mind. I don't care whether I stink or I rock, I just want to be one or the other. I doesn't make any freaking sense. And to top things off, my girlfriend doesn't seem to know whether or not she even wants to go out with me any more, or talk to me, but at the same time she says she needs me more than I could possibly know and it's confusing. I want her to be happy, and I really hope things work out between us, but everybody says it won't and it probably won't, even if we want it to work out. That's what's really sad, is it probably won't work out in the end. That's what's making it hard to have hope, is that I don't know anybody who has lived happily ever after with their high school gf/bf. It seems impossible, but I'm trying to have hope. Whatever China decides to do, I'll support her, even if it means losing her, because even though I love her I don't want to make her unhappy. Besides, if she decided she didn't love me, there's nothing I could do to keep us together. It would be wrong of me to try. But I still have hope, and I still love her, and I still want her to be happy, but I still don't want to lose her. If our relationship is over, it's probably my fault anyway, I'm not exactly a happy person to hang around anymore. I was, I was really fun, and I was funny, but not anymore. Not anymore, now I'm just self absorbed nerdy recluse. I'm almost surprised my friends even want to hang out with me. I've been working on the Zeb Show, but nobody seems to care except for me and Zeb, I might as well stop bothering with it. I guess I have more fun making it then people enjoy watching it. I'm trying to hard to make people like me. I guess that's because I'm so dependent on my friends. I guess I figure I need to still be cool, at all costs, but it isn't working, and I'm falling behind. I should go back to looking like I did before. I don't like the black hair anymore, I think I'm going to just let it grow out and cut it again. I feel like an idiot. Everyone's making fun of me for having different colored eyebrows than my hair, even though it's not supposed to look natural. I think I look like an idiot now. Everybody keeps disagreeing with me when I say I look stupid or I act stupid, but I can't tell if they're just being nice, because I think I'm lazy, dumb, and talk to much about myself.

Ugh, it was nice to rant. If you read all that, then congratulations, now you have some insight into my head.

Alright, this has got to be one of my least favorite nights ever. I have experienced depression, anger, insomnia, and now, after I finally got about an hour of sleep, I wake up choking on my own blood at 4:30 in the morning. Turns out I was bleeding profusely from my nose because the air dried it out. Now I'm light headed, I'm not going back to bed, and my eyes still hurt (although admittedly less so now that I've gotten that hour of sleep).

But, you never know. I suppose there's a good chance my day will get better, however dampening that chance may be with every hour of sleep I lose.